I had become ‘comfortably numb’ in Christ

By Yvette Walker

Throughout the past few years, I have been trying to rethink my relationship with the Lord and get closer to him. I also have been thinking about my own history and testimony.

What is my testimony? It’s taken me a long time to figure it out.

That may seem silly — you’d think that you would know your own testimony. But unlike many, my testimony was not a critical, dramatic event that changed my life. My testimony is everything I’ve walked through — from baptism as a Catholic baby to today. And finally, I realized that my early steps were definitely guided by the Lord but it’s in the time in the middle, as I became an adult, where I wandered off his path.

A few times I would get back on the path – in high school, and in college – where I would encounter God in very personal ways:

  • I encountered him at a high school retreat;
  • I encountered him while away at a college internship;
  • and I encountered him as a new graduate, moving away to new jobs;

But then I grew up, and gave up God, in a way. It was easy to become so involved in learning how to be an adult, an employee, a woman learning to become herself. I should have relied more on God in those middle years, but looking back, I didn’t.

I just got through life. OK, good even, maybe a few great times. But never the incredible life God wants for us.

Classic Rock group Pink Floyd called the feeling “comfortably numb,” in its song that talked about being anesthetized to get through life.

The funny thing is, you don’t know when you are numb to God. You don’t realize how your feelings, once so sharp and bright, like a burning flame, become cooled and dulled to the senses. It’s so easy to slip out of the light into numbness.

A few years ago, in 2019, I went to a Christian retreat and realized I had wandered off that path – walking through a dry and dusty desert. Walking numbly through a Christian life. I loved Jesus, but now I’m back on that path and I never want to leave it again.

I wasn’t a bad person I didn’t do anything wrong, but I just wasn’t fulfilling the destiny I believe he had for me all along. Now I always say I don’t believe in coincidences and I believe the path that we walk either he sets us out on that path, or he allows us to be on the path. The years that I spent not fulfilling his destiny for me was one of learning and one of consuming information that would later help me realize what I needed to do in the glory of the Lord.

My pastor Adam Starling a victory family church in Norman OK preached yesterday on a topic that really resonated with me and I plan to have pastor Starling on the show hopefully soon, but he talked about David’s anointing in the first book of Samuel and he said a few things that really convicted me.

He talked about the fact that the prophet Samuel anointed David when he was still a young shepherd and thus began the preparation of him to become a king. But a lot happened before David was able to assume the throne. Saul was possessed by evil spirits, tried to kill David, David had to flee to the caves, David had to be broken before he could assume that throne. He already had a servant’s heart, but God knew he needed to have a heart of brokenness.

As for me, I had to wait to find what really mattered to me. I had a great career as a journalist, but I didn’t know I needed more.

Years later, I knew that God wanted me to start this podcast, but I really didn’t know what he wanted me to say and since I was a journalist it was pretty easy for me to interview people who had amazing testimonies, but I believe he’s really been tugging on my heart to fully understand my own testimony and start to deliver that message. And I think it’s a message that will relate to a lot of people.

Again there’s no big event there’s no tragedy — of course, I’ve had sadness in my life as have we all. But I’ve been very fortunate that I haven’t experienced some of the things that many others have experienced. And when I say fortunate I mean fortunate from my own perspective because sometimes when very difficult things happen it breaks us, and we learn to have that heart of brokenness that is needed to fulfill God’s plan. And that becomes our testimony. but for me, since I didn’t have that I had to really think back over my whole life and discover what had God been telling me.

My testimony is this you can be a believer all your life without fully committing to the power of God. You can be a believer your whole life without fully understanding the joy that comes from the father the joy that completes you that makes you full.

It’s taken me a long time to realize that, but I know there’s a lot of people out there like me. I refer to it as being the sister of the prodigal.

I’m not the prodigal son. I didn’t go off spend my life foolishly doing crazy things. I went to church every Sunday. I believed I was saved. I believed in the word of the Lord. But believing and not fully acting on that belief is not the same thing. So as the prodigal brother stayed home to help his father, so I did what I thought a good Christian had to do.

And when the brother became angry and jealous when the prodigal came home and received all the favor, so too did I envy others who received worldly favor. But the father had to remind him what real love is and what real joy is because his brother was lost and was found. We don’t know if the brother of the prodigal did receive that message or fully understand it because that parable doesn’t tell us what happened. But I can tell you what happened to me.

I did find that joy, that rich, rich relationship with God. I understand how life is complete with him.

When I was a little girl, I heard his voice. Now, I’m listening again. No, I’m not perfect and I don’t hear him all the time like you I struggle to find my quiet place to hear his voice. But I try and I have heard his voice after years of believing he stopped talking to me. He never stops talking to you we all just have trouble hearing.

So, I encourage you today, to look at your life, and ask yourself: What is my testimony? If you are like me, and you have been sailing at a level 5 of life, never rising to a higher level, is it because you are numb?

Turn to scripture to find the answer. There is our own testimony, and there is the testimony of the Lord. Only when we understand and abide in God’s testimony can we find our own.

TableTalk Magazine discussed God’s testimony, and how understanding who he is helps his people trust him. Quote His character remains consistent, for He is who He is and does not change like the blowing wind; there is no shadow of turning in Him (James 1:17). Because He is not capricious, He can be known. He can be trusted. His words are a true revelation of Himself, and we need not fear that He will act arbitrarily. Such was good news for the ancient Israelite, and it remains good news for us today.”

Check your God temperature. Have you been running cooler than normal? Are you comfortably numb?

Go to PositivelyJoy.com and click the Talk tab to tell us how you are feeling. Or join the Positively Joy Facebook Community and let us know. I’ll create a post that you can comment on.

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